Blunted in the Walk-In

I woke up two weeks ago and thought to myself, why don’t the magazines or websites I read have restaurant reviews? And if they did, what would I want them to look like? Would Benzino want a review of No Pork on My Fork for the Source? #SantanaMoment #AlliterationHomie

So, I hit up Noah, Jack, and Ross at Complex. By 3pm today, you'll see our new column in Complex’s City Guide: Blunted in the Walk-In. I’m going to break a lot of the rules. It’s probably not possible to eat in the city anonymously at this point so that’s out the window. I will be quoting dining guests, and I’ll also ask other diners in the restaurant for their opinions. In essence, you'll hear the room.

It has a different purpose than other restaurant reviews. In fact, it’s not really a restaurant review. It’s more a recap of a night out. First, like all writing should, it will seek to entertain. Second, it will inform our generation. If you don’t get the references, that’s your problem. A lot of us grew up reading shit that referenced actors and movements that we have no connection to, so, it’s our turn. Third, it will give you a blueprint to navigate a night out at that particular restaurant. The goal of the column is to show people how best to enjoy a meal in that space. Going out is supposed to be fun. I think a lot of people go out on a quest to do their best impression of professional critics. They pick, diagnose, and at the end forget what they came for. I know what I came for: jokes, money, cash, hos. We have no idea where this exercise ends up. It could last 3 weeks or 3 years, but there’s no agenda and we’re gonna let it ride.

Stream of conscious raps, yes
Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Lil’ Wayne, T.S.
If you thought terror squad, then I’m sorry, God bless.