HAUS LEAGUE

WHAT UP! I started a NYC Fantasy Football League, The Haus League featuring these homies:

Peep it when you get a chance!

Baohaus x Zagat goes Hamptons...

So Becky from Zagat hit me up one day 2 weeks ago and asked if we wanted to go to the hamptons. Come cook and hang out with sexy rich people at a moet sponsored event? Only if i can wear a pirate hat and my wu-tang tank top. Deal. So on Friday, Sean, Leah, Jeff, and I boarded a minivan and headed up. We had no idea what we were in for.

We wanted to have Iraq themed service like Baohaus 1, but Zagat thought better and bought this amazing table cloth.

Since we gave people crabs at LTO, we kept the theme going and gave them iodine poisoning with all these scrimps. 5 spice, chili powder, salt, sugar, on the scrimps, then steamed. #proceed

Taiwanese Fritas! I go ape shit for Cuban Fritas in Miami so this was a remix using the Taiwanese pantry. I used a pork/beef mixture then seasoned it with sacha sauce. Topped the burger with dried shrimp, shoestring potatoes, cilantro, and a haus mayo.

Char Siu pork was probably the favorite of the night. I marinated it 24 hours, then we sous-vide'd it for another 24, re-applied the marinade and finished on the grill.

We also did a grilled short rib that we marinated and served with Spicy Ma la, Sesame Sauce, Garlic Oil, and Scallion-Ginger Oil. People got short rib and then just fucked around with whatever sauce they wanted. There was an ill potato salad with fried sardines, succotash with pickled okra, and watermelon-guava salad.

Then the girls got ready to go out...

Xtina told Jeff she had a chopper in the car but he didn't believe her... so he got a dick on the dome. pause

Then we hit the crub... Baby Huey kept telling us, "Don't let me get into my zone..."

But we didn't listen... and this happened. Just say no to baos yall...

Doug went hammer...

Leah got real sober with her glasses ...

Steve looks like America's Happiest CPA here...

I gotta say... it was a good day

The next day we hit a pool party and I canonballed this chick who gave us the stank eye and got her book wet. Awesome. For more ridiculousness, visit Steve's Facebook

My Fave Interview

Listen to it here!

14th St

We're coming...

SAY IT AINT SO YAO!!!

Damn son... why you do this to me? You know I just lost Drogo. How the fuck am I supposed to maintain? AI is in Turkey. C-Webb is doing color commentary. When is the real comin' back? I can't even write a coherent post right now, but once I gather myself and dry these tears, I will think of something. Shit, next week at Baohaus there will be a shrine to Drogo and Yao. BELEE DAT. I'ma put out some oranges and incense for the big homie.

I mean, no homillz but look at this man! He like the Chinese Optimus Prime. China, listen, I know you're all about this 1-child, 1-china thing, but you need to let Yao make multiple, multiple, multiple children. I'm talking Genghis Khan numbers. Fuck, give him Taiwan. Just let him take the shit over with baby Yaos. We can't agree on the territory anyway. Let's just make it Yao's baby farm. I'm all good with that. I will supply food to the country of Yao. Just let this man have like 30 wives and 3,000 children. Wait, he's gonna need more wives. Or the wives are just gonna need constructive surgery to be put back together like Jenna Jameson.

I'm no OB-GYN so I can't figure this out, but somehow someway, we need 3,000 baby Yaos. Make it happen China! If you can embalm Chairman Mao and put him on display, you can facilitate the creation of a country of Yaos. Keep him away from Robin Givens. She ruins everything. Thank you, that is all.

Game Of Thrones: Drogo Life

I should have done this a long time ago. Top Chef is doo doo on a stick compared to Game of Thrones, but you already knew son... This ain't TV, it's HBO, POW POW POW.



In comparison to the other HBO shows, I'd say it goes something like this:

1) The Wire
2) Sopranos
3) Eastbound & Down - comedy genius
4) Game of Thrones
5) Curb Your Enthusiasm - although admittedly, in bad taste, I do like Entourage more... I'm trashy.

If you watch true blood, you're a bird. That show is straight garbage, but on to the finale. It starts with a giant knife drippin' with Stark's blood and the executioner picks up his head. Sansa faints and hopefully she knows her gold digging, king sweatin' ass, killed her pops. But Stark is a retard too. Parents shouldn't let 15 year old girls run them. Otherwise, you end up with a whole lot of shit from Forever 21 and your head cut off.

"Daddy just confess! Joffrey says he'll go to prom with me!" First of all, Joffrey is most likely an in-bred retard cause his mom is fucking her brother. What kind of game is that? Oh right, they're from the South. I get it. HBO should have the Lannisters wear high waters and dress Joffrey like Huckleberry Finn next season and then have Bubbles play Jim.

This Jester sings a shitty song and Joffrey cuts out his tongue. If Big Pun was alive, this would be a great job for him. He could just post up on MTV sets and anytime there's a shitty act like the Black Eyed Peas heads roll. I would love to see Pun execute Will I Am. He ruined Black History Month with that bullshit Super Bowl performance but luckily Usher Jesus came to save us all. Ursher 3:16.



After punishing the Jester, Joffrey takes Sansa for a walk. I thought, where could he be taking her?

1) Picnic
2) The Mall
3) Free Clinic

But no, none of the above, he's taking her to see her dad's head on a stick. Romantic! I mean, what girl doesn't spring a leak for that? Not only does he make her look at Stark's head, he shows her some of her other homies dead and has a dude smack the shit out of her two-time. What the fuck kind of date is this? I mean, if this works, let me find out, but even Drogo thinks this is OD. TLC, Joffrey, TLC. You can't just go hammer all the time.

Something goes off in Sansa though. While Joffrey was tryin' to steal her mind, pushing her to the brink, she like mentally popped her cherry and turns dark. I like your style. Without having real ninja sex, she somehow crossed the threshold. She don't want to be on the bottom no more. She wants to get smashed from behind with her hair pulled out, but before all that, she would like to push Joffrey off a bridge. POW POW POW, do it girl! You'll be a woman soon.



Now, we see Rob's Army and they argue about which King to pledge allegiance to. No one can agree and then the big belligerent lord from the North gets up and says that Rob is King of the North. I'm feeling this maneuver. It doesn't matter who is in succession. Kill the Lannisters and sit yourself on the throne. The Lannisters are like Southern Crunk. They're loud, got golds, got lil' peoples, but Tyrion Lannister, Lil' John, and Lil' Wayne weigh a combined 100 lbs. You can't win with an army of Lil dudes even if Nicki Minaj got a tank for an ass. But, if I was Rob, I'd be smart, let the Baratheons and Lannisters lump each other up, while you sit around hitting Jamie Lannister with rocks. Play the barbarians against themselves. I would drop a Sun Tzu video here, but that dude is really slackin' on his social media game and has no youtube videos.

At this point, I'm thinking to myself, WHER THE FUCK IS MY SUN AND STARS? DROGOOOOO!!! Instead of Drogo, we see the Queen w/ some gigolo. Pause, fast forward. She finds out Jamie is captured. Her vagina cries. Papi Lannister finds out too and realizes he fucked up. He should have listened to the imp all along. That dude is the smartest in the show. So, they make him Hand of the King and he goes to send home the child king. I hope they kill Joffrey themselves. The casting of Joffrey is perfect though, he's so fucking unlikeable. It's like HBO went to every Hollister in the world and found the most annoying cashier, Joffrey, then made him King. Hollister, lannister, same thing. I see the underlying message HBO: Shop at the Gap if you like the Starks.

Yea, that white boy in the red shorts was Joffrey 6 months ago. FINALLY! DROGOOO. You alright son? What's really good? How you been? We still gettin' money? We finally see Base God and he's a fucking vegetable! This dude just staring off into the sky. It's like watching Bo Jackson shatter his hip against the Bengals NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why all the real homies gotta go out like that?



I can't even focus on the rest of the show I'm so throwed... Tears. This dude was the realest since kumbaya now he just stuck. Who gonna show the lil duns how to live the Drogo Life? This dude was a better role model for me than Obama. Tearin' throats, vaginas, pourin' gold on people's heads and shit. You can't learn that shit in school dun. This that real street shit.

Snow leaves the wall and I support that decision but that stupid fat kid gets in the way like a bumbling scared retard and Snow changes his mind to go fight zombies. Dude, you get no conjugal visits, your best friend is Angus and your brother is going to war. Fuck the wall.

Then, we get more Drogo. He's laid up in bed with Khalisi just cold staring. She tries to wake him up, but instead goes for a pillow. Oh hell no... stop right there bitch, I haven't given up on this man yet. But she doesn't listen, Drogo dies... I cried.



But the show must go on. Khalisi builds a giant offering joint with Drogo wrapped up on a wooden loft that would go for about $2000 a month in Williamsburgh. But that isn't enough, she also wants to sacrifice dragon's eggs that could support her for the rest of her life. On top of that, she puts the witch in the fire, which is cool. As everything starts to burn, Khalisi loses her mind... She walks into the fire. I have no idea where this is going.

The next day, we see a lot of ashy barbarians. Either they were all free basing last night or they camped next to a giant bon fire with people in it. We see a naked chick slumped over. Her clothes have burned, but the nipples are medium rare, slightly pink with a cool center. I'll take it. She sits up and what do we see? DRAGONS. Yes, mother fuckers, Khalisi is officially the hardest white chick in the history of white people. I've seen pussy that can do back flips, I've seen pussies that squirt, but pussies that bear dragons? This is some next shit. I can't wait till next season, but until then, I'm hoping there are some porno parodies of this show. It's too perfect. Here are some great titles:

1) Drogo the Impaler
2) Khalisi - 5 Hours of Fire Breathing Vaginas
3) The Lannisters Present: Southern funk, is that your sis?
4) Midget Partying ft. Tyrion Lannister
5) Sasha Grey Does the White Walkers

One more time for my man Drogo, I know you in the sky just fuckin' shit up. Till Conan the Barbarian, this one is for you big homie...

Team Baohaus

Yo! So it's been a week since LTO, but never too late to say thanks. We've been busy over at W+K Shop but wanted to shout out the guys who were cookin' up at LTO with us. Sean Scotese was Sous-Chef for the week and he really put in work. He's in the photo above and Henry in the background. You'll be seeing Henry around at 137 running the kitchen starting next week so definitely say wassup to him. Sean will be on Chopped next season so definitely be on the look out for that. Like Yan, the man can cook...

Big Mike Staab made sure not to work too hard. This why he gets the big checks. To drink on the line and take photos with P.

Of course, Evan was in the building. For those that don't know, Evan is my younger brother, but he like 10 years more mature than the kid. He runs our operations, watches our books, and cuts the checks. I get to chef cause he holds down every thing else. At LTO he was expediting along with Dmitri and Jose who you'll probably see at W+K Shop this week. Know your cooks, PEACE.