Yelp Greatest Hits this Week

"I like that they didn't censor the music so that we ended up happily eating our baos alongside rap music saying how they are going to kill my family." - Debbie K.

"Really, before you go to Baohaus you need to have the right expectations. Imagine that the people who work there have an incredible secret ability to cook ridiculously good Baos, but only when they are completely shitfaced.

They forgot your order and made you wait forever? come on, their drunk, what did you expect?
They ran out of the meat for one of the only two meat Baos that they offer? shit, if you were 8 shots deep would you remember to cook enough meat?
They are unexpectedly closed when you wanted to eat? are you trying to kill the chefs, their livers can only handle so much!
The Baos are too expensive? Think about how much they have to spend on alcohol to stay drunk enough to keep pumping out these beauties.

You can use this excuse for everything there... the space is poorly optimized, dirty plates are piling up... you get the idea. Sure, as far as I can tell everyone there is completely sober... but thinking they aren't helps me keep my cool while I wait for suuuuper tasty Baos." - Paul B.

"Best of all, they were playing Clipse. And this 3-yr old there said to his Mom, "the man on the radio said "chameleon"!"* I guess better that he recognized that word than most of the others.

Anyway, yes, this isn't fast food - I'd say serve time is about the same as Caracas' take-out place - you should go expecting a similar experience, you know, the space is tiny so don't bring your full posse, be patient, etc.

But there is no reason for you to not eat here; you absolutely should; probably multiple times.

*"Pusha in that Bentley, G-T-Oh No
Flow chameleon, worth bout a million
Sell Bolivian, Feds in oblivion"

- Michigan Gourmet Club with an assist from Pusha-T

Nice work all around....

Let that Bitch Breathe!!!!!!!

Dayyyaaammmm NY, who knew yall liked baos like dat? People are upset, but I blame cows. Who told these heifers to grow only one diaphragm (skirt steak)? On friday I had 75lbs of skirt in the fridge for Saturday/Sunday (usually we only need 25lbs a day). I get a call at 1am Saturday morning from staff saying we 86'd skirt. I woke up and called mad butchers Sunday cause my purveyor was closed. No one had enough skirt. So, I got real desperate and called Duane Reade cause I know they always got diaphragms. I asked for 75 lbs. Nuttin... some old ladies and careful teens bought them out. So I had to break out my personal stash of kobe zabuton. You win, I lose.

Sorry for the waits this weekend, as many who read the blog know, I opened this spot with $300 left in my personal savings account and ZERO in the biz. This space is all I could afford. 90% of people are understanding, know the story and I thank you for your patience. When I could, I gave out cannolis, beijing peanuts, fries, etc. while people waited in line. We flipped 600 buns out of a 400 sq ft space with NO BASEMENT Saturday, you can't knock the hustle.

But, there are also a lot of people who come in now mad at me saying my space is too small and that we should have a bigger restaurant.... So, as a gold digger once told Daddy, "Buy me sumthin."

The Beatards

DJO comes thru all the time for the Chairman Bao. He sent me his video. They on some feel good music steez. You know I like that thug shit so I was disappointed there were no cadillacs, but they are independent so its probably more important to pay them bills. Don't want to end up like Peter Gunz and Lord Tariq with one single, two navigators, and 3 baby mamas. Ning likes bunnies so she co-signs this video. I like the video, catchy. He a neighborhood dude. Get your paper kid!

White Lightning!

Here's the photo of the white lightning from Feast Available this Saturday!

Cock Size and Cock Sauce

So, people always ask for hot sauce at the restaurant and I don't carry it. They ask why.... Because, if I was at home and tried to put hot sauce on my food, my mom would hit me on the hand with chopsticks. I'm glad she did because you can't taste food if you pour hot sauce all over it.

There's this idea amongst "foodies" that spicy = good. Or that eating spicy means you know food. Or that you have a giant penis. I don't know. I've never gone around measuring the penises of people who eat a lot of hot sauce, but I'm guessing there's more of a correlation between people eating hot sauce and needing proactiv than a correlation between cock size and cock sauce.

I'm not saying there are rules to the exact place and time to eat hot sauce, but definitely, on a pork belly or steak bun, I wouldn't use hot sauce. Now, with the Uncle Jesse (our tofu bun) I serve it with a sweet chili sauce I make myself. Its not that I don't like hot sauce, it just neutralizes all the flavors when you put it on the pork or steak bun. The reason why the buns are so good is because the notes are balanced. Believe it or not, we braise the pork/beef in a TON of chilis. But, its balanced with sweetness, ginger, soy, green onions, etc. We hit a lot of notes and if you fart a big mound of hot sauce onto it, all you hear is the fart.

When I see people put hot sauce on BBQ, I wild-out. If the bbq is the least bit good, there's no reason to be putting hot sauce on it unless its a spicy sauce that is meant to be used because it balances the rub. Maybe a chopped steak, fried chicken, fried okra, fine, but not your pulled pork or ribs.

BUT, for you hot sauce lovers, here's where I do like hot sauce on:

1) Banh Mi (i cant spell) - The small fresh jalapeno slices when cut the right size and balanced are awesome. They bring heat and balance out the light muskiness of cold meat in a very delicate way.

2) Tofu! - Tofu is a blank canvas. I love eating tofu in the raw with a very minimal savory broth or raw tofu with a dash of soy sauce, green onions, and thousand year old egg. BUT, a lot of times, adding hot sauce to tofu gives it that oomph that tofu naturally doesn't have. Tofu does have a nutty essence (pause) which does well with chili. One of the all-time great Chinese dishes is Ma Po Tofu. Killer!

3) Fried Food - Fried food is usually already very heavy, greasy, and one or two notes. It stands up to hot sauce.

4) Soup - soup is great spicy because again, like tofu, its a little bit of a blank canvas. Obviously its water based so you bring all the flavor to the table. Yookae Jong (korean beef stew, again, i cant spell), Beef Noodle Soup, Spicy Kalbi Tang, Tortilla soup, all do great with strong chili. BUT, I don't put sriracha in my Pho!!! Use the raw peppers!

5) Fish - I love szechuan fish. Again, a lighter meat, something that could use extra "body" or kick. River fish with spicy pork miso. Szechuan Water Cooked Chili Fish, amazing.

Some of my favorite hot sauces: XO Chili Sauce (dried shrimps, scallops, peanuts you know i love peanuts, and oily chili sauce), Chili Oil with crushed chilis (that old standby you see on every table, great with cantonese egg noodle dishes and beef noodle soup), Ha Ha Chili with beans, Chinese garlic chili chopped fresh and preserved in oil. I like the oil based sauces a lot more.

As for sriracha, i see it in people's houses all the time, on fancy menus in the 90s with "Sriracha mayonaise", gimme a break. Sriracha is so wack and played out. Its like Southeast Asian Tabasco. I love tabasco, but only because it makes cafeteria broccoli taste good (my mom used to always make me eat the broccoli on the blue plate specials at Morrison's.... all i wanted was the roast beef!!! stupid broccoli). Sriracha is coarse and I feel its more popular in America because it goes with coarse food like day old pizza and crappy burgers your friend burned while watching football. Sriracha makes burned food taste bearable because its equally unnecessary and heavy handed.

Snow and White Lightning Cannoli

The snow came just in time! I didn't like the morning snow cause it was wet and sleety, BUT, Matt from NBC's Feast came by, Anthony from Artisan Cannolis, and John from Sushi UO so we hung out, ate the "white lightning" cannolli (coming saturday!). John brought some ill chirashi. UO is officially my new go-to sushi spot. The uni flight is spottie ottie dopalicious. For real, it feels like the first time i bonged some headband. Mind blowing uni. He has Japanese, Maine, Maine in its own water, and California. Lot of fun. I got caught up on prep too so that was nice.

My favorite part of the job is cleaning skirt steak. Its a lot of fun pulling at the skirt and ripping off membrane. The motion is like hulk hogan tearing his shirt except I hold a giant piece of skirt steak in front of my chest haha. Quiet days to prep are really cool. I never complain about cooking, I love it and if you prep right, the night is easy on the line. But at the end of the day, cooking is simply a lot more fun when there aren't 20 pacing people waiting to get back to work with pork buns. haha.

The white lightning Cannoli is awesome. Anthony and I hang out a lot so we just put it together. You gotta try the rest of his stuff like PB&J, Smores, Mint/chocolate cannolis. The White Lightning is made with Pineapples Poached (thanks for the tip Lucy!) in Moutai (ya boy's favorite liquor besides henn-rock),vanilla bean and brown sugar that's mixed in Anthony's cheese. And the shell is hand dipped in dark callebaut chocolate.

I'm an idiot and didn't take my own photos, but I think Matt is gonna put some on www.nbcnewyork.com/feast/ tomorrow so check it out!

Post 100: New York Times $25 and Under

This is post #100! Thanks for the support yall. Couldn't have done it without you.... New York Times $25 and Under