Senin, 16 Januari 2012
Masaryk by Nike
Last week, the homie Damien Bulluck gave me a pass to Masaryk, the new gym that Nike Basketball built in the LES. For real, it is the illest gift anyone has ever hit the kid off with. Not only does it solve the problem of basketball in the dead of NYC winter, but they hooked it up with hyper dunks...
A shooting machine...
A NBA trainer...
AND A NEW JUMPER. WHAT UP TONY DOUGLAS? IMA TAKE UR SPOT ON THE BENCH SON.
After the initial run is over, Nike's giving the court to the neighborhood so Masaryk is definitely getting hooked up too. #MakeItCount . Shouts to Game 7, Damian, Susana, Kristen, you already know!
Jumat, 06 Januari 2012
For those without Cooking Channel!
For all yall without Cooking Channel, the show is up on youtube now. Peep it! My favorite segment is above. Here are the others:
Thanks to John T, John Jay, and all the restaurants that let me come tell Ike Turner jokes.
Senin, 02 Januari 2012
NYE @ THE ACE
If you ever throw a 'tel-ly party, go Room 1011. Undefeated. Don't say I didn't tell you... Shouts to Steven Lau for all the photos. Peace to all the gods that threw down on the room and booze: Sparkz, Steve, Raf, Berto, Doug Life, and of course Phil "I Invited Every NY'er with Adobe Illustrator" Chang. Sorry to all the homies that didn't get in. Line was crazy out front for the room, but I told yall to come early and sneak through your choice of April Bloomfield Restos! FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS B.
Pa-pa-pa-PARTY SUPPLIES!!!
Phil, why you showin me this amazon.com card b? You know I only fux with that black and platinum shit. We gon get that crunchy jump all of his lump! Look how excited Dustin was to get up in Phil's wallet. I like the hunger kid, let's keep that goin in 2012!!! WILD GREMLINS WE HONGRY WIT A "O".
Andy was holdin' court on some storytellin' PDX Magellan shit. I see u cousin! Tell em why you mad son!
Every one's favorite, Kerin Rose, came through with the newest illest in Stark Industries. I SEEN IT LIKE A ZENITH, HER DRESS TO FUTURISTIC FOR YALL!
You know it wasn't a party without that hen-rock so I had to call the #1 HENNY REPRESENTER, Cat Ahn.
Every party Cat go to she bring two things: Henn Rock and SUe Kang. If I was a travel agent, I would put this poster up with the caption "Shawties exquisite... Korea, great place to visit."
Then we all waited for the ball to drop. Phil looked real scurred in the back surrounded by drunk people haha
Then all hell broke loose and ur boy went beast mode. Every thing got sprayed. MEGA PAUSE
Once the clock struck 12, Eric's girls all broke out in mustaches!
Zombies appeared.
Asians perpetuated stereotypes by lighting fireworks IN THE JOINT. (note to the hotel: I did not authorize this, but I did accidentally enjoy it very much.)
Someone drank my Moet! FYI, if you at a party and you see like 20 bottles of Andre and one bottle of moet, that shit is most likely not for you. It's not that good, but I'm just sayin... It's not andre.
Ekaterina AKLDJFSOIULAKJ brought all her fly friends from Kamchatka. LOVE U BOO.
Kenzo came with that combo #5 crispy 'LO Sweater game
Larry and the Pipitones
Nia and Samantha doin what they always do... STUNTIN IS A HABIT
"What am I gonna do Dougie? Go down to Margaritaville? Drink half a yard and fall off of barstools?"
The Jewish Delegation was in the house. Who Cam best friend? MY ATTORNEY!
Berto brought a bunch of dudes that still shop at Structure. HAHAHA
Quagmire found love.
And we out... Thanks to the Ace... sorry about the mess :)
RACK CITY BITCH
Rabu, 28 Desember 2011
Cheap Bites
Check out the Promo that Cooking Channel has been running in between Cindy Crawford Skincare Commercials for the new show. I may not be able to tighten up your pores and erase black heads, but I love Marion Barry and tell a good Ike Turner joke. Both dudes get shout outs in the show cause we about that. It airs Sunday New Year's Day at 8pm! Tune in, tivo, tell your friends, nurse your hangover, and watch Chinese people NOT do gymnastics on T.V.
Sabtu, 24 Desember 2011
D'Antoni... You're still a problem
Every one in New York is drinkin' the Tyson Chandler Kool-Aid these days. Luckily, your boi boi is keeping his mind right sippin' this Coconut Ciroc. What up Diddy?!? Recently, I've been hearing a lot of talk about how Chandler is the next KG destined to single handedly make the Knicks a defensive minded team. I'll say it one time: the Knicks are not the '07-'08 Celtics. There's no Kendrick Perkins on this roster, there's no Tony Allen, there's no Rondo, shit, there's no KG! Further, what's more important than not having KG is that we don't have Doc Rivers! Is it lost on people that Doc Rivers is one of the best defensive guards of the last 25 years? Additionally, the C's had Tom Thibodeau on the bench for the championship years. You simply can't compare the Knicks to the Celtics or Chandler to KG because that '07 Celtics team was the reflection of an entire organization committed to defense. What we have in New York is a team of big names with one defensive minded player who's never made an all-star game and a European style coach who refuses to coach defense.
Let's start with the Chandler-KG comparisons. As a 31 year old in Boston, KG pulled 9.2 rebounds, 3.4 assists, 1.3 blocks, 1.4 stls, and scored 18.8 points with only 2.3 fouls in 32 minutes. Chandler's best statistical year was as a 24 year old in '06 - '07 where he averaged 12.4 boards, 1.8 blocks, and 9.5 points with sub-1.0 stls and assists per game plus 3.3 fouls in 34.6 minutes. While Chandler in his best year out-rebounded an aging KG, you see that Chandler he's never played the passing lanes like KG nor can he initiate offense through the high-post. The comparisons are ludicrous. Even comparing a 24 year old Chandler to a 31 year old KG, you realize that he's half the player DMX, err, Garnett is. ARF, ARF, ARF, get at me dog! Chandler may be a better rebounder than KG, but he's also doing it from the center position and has no other advantage over KG. The block differential is minimal and over his career, KG has better averages in both rbs and blks.
The better comparison for Chandler is Marcus Camby. Both are rangy centers with injury concerns that excel at defending weak-side and rebounding. When the Knicks had Camby in '98, we also had Patrick Ewing, Kurt Thomas, and Latrell Sprewell. I mean, come the fuck on! Not only was Sprewell an All-Defensive talent, but he invented spinning rims! Kurt Thomas played solid D, hit 15 footers, and cleaned the glass. I mean, even Chris Dudley could get 15 minutes a game with the 2011 Knicks. That dude was a hockey enforcer with a tank-top on. Shit, even Allen Houston who played little to no defense showed up to work every day with the illest caesar cut I've ever seen. Forget finding the next Tom Thibodeau, could someone hold me down and find Houston's barber? That dude was NICE!
But let's forget for a second that we aren't the '07 C's or the '98 Knicks, but that it is possible for the second coming of Marcus Camby aka Tyson Chandler to turn the Knicks around. A 29 year old Camby in '04-'05 pulled down 10 rebounds, 2.3 assists, 3 blocks, .9 steals, and 10.3 points in 30.5 minutes with only 2.7 fouls for the Nuggets. Tyson Chandler in his best year as a 24 year old in '06-'07 only bests Camby in rebounds per game by 2.4. With Camby, we see again that defense isn't just rebounds and blocked shots, but playing the passing lanes and capitalizing on boards by starting the fast break. The really great defensive centers all know how to turn their efforts into easy buckets and it's not something Chandler has shown with a career .8 assists average. The only advantage Chandler has over Camby and KG is that he is a better on-the-ball defender against 7-footers. KG's got him with anyone under 7', but Tyson has bulked up over the years and does a good job on the block.
All that said, the biggest problem with the Knicks is the overall organizational philosophy. Last year, we had a problem with defense and we're finally understanding to address it, but one guy doesn't change the culture. KG didn't single handedly make the C's a defensive team. You had an entire organization from Danny Ainge to Doc Rivers to Tom Thibodeau to Kevin Garnett to anyone besides Brian Scalabrine that bought into defense. The C's were intimidating on and off the court from top to bottom. Does anyone realize the Knicks don't even have someone like Delonte West to smang Lebron's Mom or strike fear into people's hearts with herpes outbreaks! Who's gonna bring Carmelo doughnuts? "Planes, trains and automobiles yall better have my doughnuts!" - Delonte
What up Veal?!?
The three biggest misconceptions in the hood are that Saigon popularized Entourage, 50-Cent made Vitamin Water, and that KG single handedly made the C's a defensive force. Doc Rivers throughout his career showed a commitment to defense and in his first gig as head coach took a band of misfits in Orlando to the playoffs. Prior to becoming the Magic coach in 1999, Rivers was mentored by Chuck Daly who we all know as the illest defensive coach of the late-80s. That first year in Orlando, Rivers had the vision to give a 6'9" Ben Wallace his first starting gig as a center. There was Darrell Armstrong running like a mad man around the perimeter and Bo Outlaw patrolling the base-line and high-post. With Doc Rivers orchestrating the defense and those three guys building the foundation a last-place team almost made the playoffs and Rivers won Coach of the Year without a single big name. Most Coach of the Year types walk into the award after being gifted someone like Lebron, Durant, Shaq or Penny. I'm always surprised why people don't call out the Mike Brown and Brian Hills of the world for getting those awards, but reality shows its face in the playoffs. Would a real NBA Coach of the Year type fumble around and fuck up the Russell Westbrook situation as badly as Brooks did?
More importantly, let's take a look at our own former Coach of the Year, Mike D'Antoni. This guy is the Mike Martz of the NBA except he hasn't even won a championship. He has an extreme view of the offense with little to no disregard for the repercussions of his offense. In the way that Mike Martz neglects the running game, D'Antoni neglects defense. The fact that numerous players have anonymously dropped quotes like the below, should cement the fact that D'Antoni should have never been a head coach in the first place.
"Coach knows offense... It would be nice to set plays, control pace and not jack up shots just because you're open. But that's what Coach does. You could live with it if we played defense. But obviously, we haven't done that much. Good, bad or otherwise, all I can say is that I've never seen anything like this." - Source, Stephen A. Smith
This player nailed it. You can't coach one side of the floor and expect to win games. Second, if you are going to go all-out, not control the ball, not look to take the best shot possible and just run-n-gun, then you HAVE to emphasize transition defense. D'Antoni teams don't. If they miss shots, they give up buckets, and then quickly in-bound the ball to try it once again. D'Antoni is literally coaching the Knicks like they're hookers at the point turning and burning tricks. But even the dumbest hookers play defense! Every one of those hos has mace, pepper spray, and a get away... The Knicks just have Tyson Chandler.
What we should look at is the 2000 Orlando Magic. Instead of continuing down the path that Doc Rivers carved out, the Magic blew up the team, traded Ben Wallace and Chucky Atkins for Grant Hill. The Magic also signed Tracy McGrady and we see how that turned out. Despite Hill's injuries, McGrady led the Magic to 3 playoff appearances but never made it out of the first round with an explosive offense and non-existent defense. By year 3, Rivers was fired and landed in Boston. On the other hand, we all know what happened with Ben Wallace. He went to play for the anti-D'Antoni: Larry Brown. We've all heard the joke that the only person who could could keep MJ under 20 points is Dean Smith, Brown's mentor. Coach Brown's mentality has always been to start with defense, own the glass, execute in the half-court, and get back in transition. Simple, basic, basketball fundamentals that every one has heard since JCC Summer Basketball Camps. I went to Dennis Scott's but even his fat ass knew this shit. D'Antoni for some odd reason thinks that he's figured something out that the basketball gods haven't and we're dumb enough to ride this close to the sun with him. #Icarus. I'll tell you this now. I'd love to see the Knicks win it this year, but it's not going to happen if D'Antoni doesn't change his coaching philosophy. You simply can't win chucking shots early in the clock and not playing transition defense. We could have KG, Camby, Ben Wallace or Tyson Chandler. Take your pick, but the fact of the matter remains, basketball is a team sport and defense is played as a unit. There are rules to this game and D'Antoni simply doesn't respect them.
Rabu, 21 Desember 2011
RIP Danny Chen
First of all, RIP Danny Chen. There's nothing else I can say so I won't even try. Condolences to the family and community. Stay strong. Ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo, ah mi two fwo...
Second, props to the military for stepping up and charging these fools. This has been happening to Gay people in the military for years and now Asians. It's entirely un-fucking acceptable. If this is a country that still considers itself the "City on the Hill", this absolutely can not happen. People wonder why Asians don't join the military or don't consider themselves American at times, it's things like this. The military failed in not preventing this, there is no way to get Danny back, but do right by the family and throw the fucking book at every one involved. This is an opportunity to show Asian Americans and any other group whether it's race, gender, sexual orientation, or creed, that we as a country do not stand for this fucking bull shit. There is no pretty, elegant, or classy way of saying this. It's disgusting, vile, and unacceptable. US Military, you already fucked up, there is no way to make this right, but you can get close by prosecuting the convicted to the fullest extent of the law. They have not been convicted yet, so I won't say they're guilty, but if they are... BURY THEM.
I grew up for years hearing ching chong jokes. If you read eater, you still see ching chong jokes in the comments. I get emails from people calling me a chink. If you go to Chik-Fil-a or watch Rosie O'Donnell, they're still telling ching chong jokes. For some reason, people think this shit is ok. Luckily, in NY, the papers cover these stories because we as a community and city can see that it's wrong. We understand not to call Black people "N", we know not to call Gays "Fs", we know not to call Lations "S", but why is it ok to call us chinks or ching chongs? Why was it funny to make a Tsunami song? Why do we even have to explain how fucked up that shit is? What would we be saying now if Danny Chen took other peoples' lives, instead of what military prosecutors seem to suggest happened, which is his own? No one wants something like that to happen in the future...
I ask that Americans see the consequences of Bullying and stop it. Every one grows up telling fat jokes or your mama jokes, but the racial/sexual/religious shit is on a different level and yall know it. We all know why people think they can pick on Asians, it's because no one thinks our neighborhood will strike back. If Rosie O'Donnell pulled a Kramer, she'd be black listed right now. Pun intended. African-Americans FOUGHT for that protection. They fought for that respect and knowledge that if someone attacked them on the basis of race that the entire community would stand up. Growing up, I wanted to be part of a community that had that power and respect. Ditto for the Jewish community and how they stand united. Respect!
ASIAN AMERICANS, it is your duty to stick up and say something when people fling racial epithets at you, your friends, your community, your fellow Asian people. You can't hide in a cubicle from this shit! A JD, MD, CPA is not going to protect your kids from some assholes who want to jump him after school. Luckily, I have parents that told me to defend myself or don't come home at all. I got two assaults on my record, but people know not to call me a chink. Stand the fuck up yall!
This shit is not a game. People aren't just going to give us respect. We can fight on our streets, we can fight in court rooms, we can fight with our votes, we can fight with our money, but most importantly we should stop fighting ourselves. Stop hating on people because you're Taiwanese and he's Cantonese. There aren't enough of us in this damn country for Mandarin speakers to not fuck with Cantonese speakers and vice versa. I hear Chinese people all the time clown on Vietnamese/Korean people. News flash you fucking bozos, Americans can't tell us apart, we're all chinks to them!
Cast down your buckets and accept that we are in this together right now. We should understand our distinct identities, cultures, and societies, but right now these aren't just crimes against Chinese people, they are crimes against ASIANS. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, and Kim Jong Il's Son, unfortunately we all fam now. As much as it pains me to say it, I guess I have to be friends with Fukienese people and their super buffets... :(. Trust me, I'm less thrilled about it than you are, but it's the truth: we are stronger together. Spend money in Chinatown/Ktown/Nonya/and that street where one Japanese dude owns Rai Rai Ken, Terriyaki Boy, and Curry Ya. Ok, not trying to be funny, but that kinda made me laugh. My bad... Be conscious, be active, and be strong. Every neighborhood, ethnicity, religion, gay, lesbian, trans-gender, literally had to fight for protection and respect in this country. It's sad but true. We can't run Asian people. It's time to put an end to this shit. Punch ignorance in the fucking mouth and DO NOT ACCEPT HATE CRIMES!
P.S. Anyone who wants to call this post un-American can kiss my Chinese-American No-MSG Dick. I just fed 200+ needy people in Orlando from all walks of life. I fux with America but sometimes Americans let me down... I hope you understand.
Kamis, 08 Desember 2011
Movies
#6 - Do The Right Thing - This blew the roof off African-America, hip hop, street fashion, and sneakers for every one outside NY. If you grew up in NY, you already know, but for a kid in Orlando who's only connection were Puerto Ricans who moved South or Jews that relocated and a subscription to The Source, Do the Right Thing was it... There are so many memorable scenes: love/hate, brothers on the wall, bird fan smudgin' buggin' out's Jordan's, Rosie Perez's intro, WLOVE, johnny pumps, etc. The Martin-Malcolm dilemma that's played out through the film is super ill and a question for the ages. It's something there's no answer to but the discourse is the purpose. I'm a sucker for films that capture neighborhoods, an era, and a people, Spike done did it with this one. Live from Bed-Stuy...
#5 - Rear Window - Like DRT, Rear Window captures a neighborhood. But, no one moves a camera quite like Hitchcock. Besides maybe Citizen Kane or Breathless, I think Rear Window has the most interesting framing and movement to the camera. I'm no expert so I'm sure there's better or more obscure, but I just like this movie. The thing that gets me with Hitchcock films is how well he integrates and consistently applies themes throughout the film. Whether it's doppelgangers in Strangers on a Train or "gaze" in Rear Window, it's dope. Truth be told, watching Rear Window and then reading feminist criticisms of it are pretty dope. The idea of "gaze" in the film is really cool because you think about it, what better set-up to explore social hierarchy than to see a neighborhood in the context of apartments through Jimmy Stewart's window. Classic white man in cat bird seat steez. It's interesting on a lot of levels.
#4 Good Will Hunting - It'll make more sense when the book comes out, but growing up a reluctant "gifted" kid who was bussed to schools and then caught 2 assaults... This was my movie. It was always fun to walk around with my Mecca shit on, having people assume I was a dumb ass, and then son the shit out of them. The Howard Zinn shout-out is super ill too. For anyone that lived on one side, but understood another... this is your film. It's all about duality and finding happiness on your own terms regardless where you're from or where others want you to go...
#3 Royal Tennenbaums - Yo Wes Anderson has been shark bit to death, but this is my dude. I FUX WIT THIS SHIT. It might be the whitest thing I've ever liked, but in a way, it's the least white thing as well. It's mad honest about being dysfunctional and from the minority perspective, I think that's one of our biggest beefs with white people. We feel like we're always being judged for the way our families operate, but they're just as fucked up. That's why we all fuck with Kenny Powers too. He's real and white haha. Rachel Ray, Kelly Ripa, these other chicks are Stepford wives. We want to see the real, which is why I kinda didn't mind Martha so much after she did a bid. I mean, damn, she just trying to get her paper, I can't hate on that. I write about my boy, Warren, a lot and this was pretty much the first film we both agreed on.
From a filmmaking perspective, Wes Anderson, like Hitchcock is a master of creating themes, looks, mis-en-scene and then sticking to it. It's not half assed, it's not a ploy, it's not a gimmick, and actually supersedes every thing else in the film. The tone, the voice, the image, are all enhanced by the mis-en-scene and it's arguable that Anderson is the father of hipster fashion, culture, and voice... When I read about the Ronsons, I just imagine them as the Tennenbaums. I think they might have even done a spread framed as the Tennenbaums. Anderson deals with childhood/family themes in a lot of his movies and I'm a stuck in the past type too. I like red sauce italian, chinese restaurants with lazy susans, and the mcrib. What can I say? I don't want to grow up.
#2 Annie Hall - I'm a huge fan of Manhattan, but Annie Hall is it for me. Manhattan is a better looking film visually, it captures the city, but Annie Hall has these insights into the human condition that fucking kill you! Woody breaks shit down and explains things you think about in fucking circles. After it all, you're left with an "egg" joke that pretty much explains every thing you need to know about women and men. As a neurotic Asian who went to a Yeshiva and loves Brooklyn, I had no choice but to love this film.
P.S. Pay attention to the jump-cuts. Woody likes French films and you can see the Godard influence... Thanks Dr. Boles
#1 - There is no name to this film. If someone says the "Greatest Film Ever Made" you know, what it is. If this isn't #1 on your list, we can't be friends. It's that simple. Greatest film ever made and it's not even up for debate. I watch this easily 3 times a year. Especially when negotiating deals haha. It's Sun Tzu for the West.
If you got a top 5, put it in the comments!
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